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When is My Divorce Court Date?

When is My Divorce Court Date? How to Look Up Your Divorce Information Online

The divorce process in Massachusetts can be overwhelming. I often hear clients’ expressing anxiety when they do not know when their divorce hearing court date is scheduled, especially when many weeks have gone by without receiving notice.  When couples do not hear from the court right away it is normal to worry if their 1A divorce filing paperwork may have been lost. Or, normal to worry the notification may have got lost in the mail.

Can I look up information about my divorce online?

Yes!

While you should have received notice by snail mail there is a way to check online. It might be posted online before you receive your notification by mail.

You can visit the Massachusetts Trial Court Electronic Case Access website. This is a public database that anyone can use to see the status of their case, including the name of the judge that is assigned and that date of the next hearing.

This is confusing! How do I use this site?

Here is a step-by-step guide how to look up information about your divorce online and find out your divorce court hearing date:

Step #1: Click on “click-here” on the bottom left of the page after completing the Captcha form

Step #2: Select “Probate and Family Court” when asked to pick a court department

Step #3: Then, select your county, which is referred to as your “division” in the Probate and Family Court system. Note, the county is picked based on this criteria:

  • If your spouse still lives in the same county where you lived together, you must file in that county.
  • Otherwise, you can file in the county where you live or your spouse lives.

Step #4: Enter your name in the boxes asking for First Name and Last Name

Step #5: Click “Search” on the bottom left of the screen

What if I still do not know when my divorce court date is scheduled for?

It is possible your filing has not been docketed. I would first contact your probate court division by phone, email, their zoom “virtual registry,” or in-person to ask if they have your paperwork and if a date has been scheduled. Your attorney, if you have one, can help you as well.

If you would like to learn more about divorce mediation schedule a free half-hour zoom consultation with Ben or another Mediation and Family Services mediator.

Couple going through divorce signing papers

How Can I Get a Divorce in Massachusetts?

There are two ways to get divorced in Massachusetts that are important to understand for anyone wanting to know how to get a Massachusetts divorce.

  1. Uncontested Divorce
    An uncontested divorce in Massachusetts is called a 1A Divorce.
    The two spouses will make all their decisions about their divorce – financial and parenting – and submit their decisions to the court for approval. This usually involves one hearing with the judge and is the last step in the divorce negotiation process.
  2. Contested Divorce
    A contested divorce in Massachusetts is called a 1B Divorce.
    Typically, one spouse will initiate the divorce proceedings by filing. The complaint for divorce and summons are served on the other spouse. A series of court appearances then occur. During this process some divorces settle out of court. Others end in a litigated trial.

Divorce Professionals in Massachusetts

During a 1A uncontested divorce the spouses negotiate the terms of their divorce. They can do this on their own, or with the help of a third party like a divorce mediator. They can also pursue a team approach to their divorce negotiations called Collaborative Law.

During a 1B contested divorce one or both spouses are represented by an attorney who negotiates on their behalf. Spouses may also represent themselves, or go pro se, which is the legal term for self-representation. The contested divorce will either settle out of court or end in litigation.

How to Know When an Uncontested Divorce Mediation Approach is Right for You

If any of the sentiments below resonate mediation might be worth exploring:

  • I don’t want this process to create any more conflict for the kids
  • I don’t care what a judge thinks about my marriage, I want to make the decisions
  • I know I need help but I don’t want to spend an arm and a leg
  • I don’t want this divorce to take forever
  • I just want us to end this process on decent terms
  • I just want us both to be fair to each other
  • I just want out of this marriage as soon as possible without creating more ill will

Can we handle our divorce on our own?

Yes, although proceed with caution to be sure the court will approve your agreement. Handling divorce on your own is most successful for extremely short-term marriages with no children and minimal assets. 

What if I don’t feel safe?

Speak to your mediator or attorney right away if there are safety issues.

If you fear harm due to domestic violence consult with a family law attorney and your local community resources immediately.

Divorce Mediation in Massachusetts

For the vast majority of couples who want to negotiate in good faith; save time, money and heartache; have more control over the outcome of the divorce negotiation; and set the stage for more effective co-parenting, mediation is worth exploring.

Young african american black woman relaxing and using laptop computer with white mockup blank screens

How to Divorce Online During Covid-19: Free Online Mediation Checklist

Resolving divorce and family conflicts are more important now than ever during Covid-19. Thankfully, we live in an age of sophisticated technology. Zoom online mediation brings the mediation room to you!

I have provided virtual remote mediation for many years to accommodate clients living in different locations. And I have learned a lot about what makes for a successful Zoom mediation.

Online Divorce During Covid-19: Do’s and Don’ts

DO Plan Ahead

Mediating stressful conflict occurs best when you are comfortable, free of distractions, and have what you need to keep yourself calm. To that end, consider:

Location: Where can I have the most privacy? My bedroom? My office? My car? The basement?

Minimizing Distractions: Where will the kids be? What can they be doing outside of earshot? What about the dog?

Timing: How can I avoid needing to multi-task? Should I cook before or after? Can I clear my work calendar for two hours?

Comfort — Physically and Emotionally: What do I need to be comfortable? Can I fill up my water bottle in advance? Do I need something to fidget with? If I’m living with my spouse should we be together? Or separate rooms on different devices?

Preparation: Should I have paper and pen to take notes? Have I printed out forms that I need? Do I have a calculator available?

Technology: Am I familiar with Zoom (click here for Zoom tutorials)? Should I do a test call? Where do I have the strongest Wi-Fi connection? What device am I going to use? Do I need to start my video and audio settings?

 

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When Divorcing Online, Avoid…

Driving: Believe it or not, zoom driving happens. It’s dangerous! And distracting. If your car is the most private spot make sure you’re parked.

Being too Informal: It can be easy to loosen boundaries in the comfort of your own home. Remember, mediation typically occurs in a formal conference room — aim to present yourself as you would in my office!

Drinking Alcohol: In the comfort of your home it might be tempting to have a drink while mediating — if you wouldn’t do it in my office, don’t do it at home during mediation. It will interfere with your decision-making and compromise the process.

Inflammatory/Intimidating Backgrounds: Do not fiddle with weapons, cut vegetables with a sharp knife, have a photo of your new significant other in the background, or expose the other party to things that will increase tension, stress, and obstacles to good-faith negotiation.

A Word about Kids and Online Divorce Mediation During Covid-19

Mediating from home is hard, particularly for parents. Remember, it is in your kids’ best interest they are not exposed to:

  • Financial matters between parents
  • Court and legal matters between parents
  • Conflict, tension, and arguing between their parents

Make sure your kids are engaged in an activity out of ear-shot. If necessary, let me know that you need to take breaks to check-in with your kids..or if your kids walk in the room unexpectedly!

Balancing parenting, work, and a divorce from home is a tall-task. Part of my job is to make the process work for you — and that includes making adjustments so that online divorce and family mediation is as effective as in-person mediation!

What other recommendations do you have for how to mediate divorce during Covid-19 online? Please leave a comment!

little girl with paper family in hands

Divorce with Children – An Interview with Ben Stich

I was honored to be interviewed by Natalie Armstrong from the Marketing Resolution YouTube Channel on Tuesday from among the many stellar divorce and family mediators she knows. The interview was fun, brief, and hopefully informative for viewers interested in learning about family and divorce mediation. Check it out!

Divorcing with Children: An Interview with Divorce Mediator Ben Stich

When there is a divorce with children an effective separation agreement can set the stage for better outcomes for kids. One of her goals from the interview was to help viewers learn how mediation helps parents craft a child-centered custody arrangement and parenting plan.

About Mediator Natalie Armstrong-Motin

Natalie is a fierce advocate of dispute resolution practices. She promotes divorce mediators and dispute resolution experts from a range of industries, including family law. Her goal is to increase awareness of peace-making resources that exist throughout the world. To that end, her YouTube Channel is a volunteer venture and does not produce income for her or the interviewee.

To learn more about Natalie’s work promoting mediation professionals check out The Marketing Resolution YouTube channel.

Her channel is all about the resolution industry. It highlights the providers – the mediators, arbitrators, collaborators, facilitators, trainers, authors, speakers, bloggers, organizations, associations, and laws. Contact Natalie Armstrong-Motin at Marketing Resolution

Child Custody and Visitation written on a paper and a book

How Custody Works in Massachusetts

The word “custody” conjures ugly divisive images for many people. This post will clarify how child custody works in Massachusetts.

Two Types of Custody

In Massachusetts there is legal custody and physical custody. Legal custody involves a parent’s legal right to making decisions for their child. Physical custody relates to time the child lives with each parent.

How Legal Custody Works in Massachusetts

Legal custody is a parent’s right to make decisions for their child. In particular, having legal custody allows the parent to influence the child’s education, medical care, and emotional, moral, and religious development.

In practical terms, having legal custody allows a parent to weigh in on decisions like:

  • Approving your child’s Individualized Education Plan
  • Consenting to your child’s surgery
  • Determining your child’s religious education plan
  • Deciding if your child sees a therapist

In Massachusetts, parents either have Shared Legal Custody or one parent has Sole Legal Custody.

Shared legal custody is typical whereby both parents are continually involved with all major decisions related to their child. Sole legal custody, which is less common, is when only one parent has the legal rights and responsibilities of making these important final decisions.

How Physical Custody Works in Massachusetts

Physical custody indicates where the child lives. In Massachusetts, parents either have Shared Physical Custody or Sole Physical Custody.

Shared custody is when a child has periods of living with each parent, so the child has frequent, continuous contact with both parents. Sole custody is when a child lives with one parent and is subject to reasonable parenting time with the other parent.

In practical terms, parents negotiate their parenting schedule. In divorce mediation, the outcome of the agreed upon parenting schedule determines the formal custody status.

How to Figure Out a Parenting Plan

During divorce mediation the mediator will guide parents through questions to consider in order to negotiate a parenting plan that serves the best interests of the child. There are a number of helpful resources mediators can provide that describe best practices, such as Planning for Shared Parenting which is endorsed by the Commonwealth of Massachusetts for parents living apart.

How Does “Custody” Work Bottom Line

The word “custody” makes many people feel uncomfortable. During mediation the mediator can help you navigate this without an over-emphasis on divisive language. A good divorce mediator will help  parents figure out two important issues that can be done without an over-emphasis on the “custody” word:

  1. How to make decisions for their child (i.e. legal custody) and,
  2. How to craft a parenting schedule for their child (i.e. physical custody)

Contact Ben Stich for a free mediation consultation if you would like to learn more.

This article “How Does Custody Work in Massachusetts” contains general publicly available legal information and does not contain legal advice. This article is not a substitute for an attorney or law firm. The law is complex and changes often. For legal advice, contact a mediation-friendly attorney.

Recording equipment in studio. Studio microphone with headphones and mixer background

How to Divorce in Massachusetts Using Mediation: An Interview on WCRN

I had the great fortune to be interviewed by Attorney Allen Margulis of the Total Counselor Show on WCRN on July 31st about how to divorce in Massachusetts. During the hour-long interview we discussed the different ways to get divorced in Massachusetts, with a particularly emphasis on divorce mediation.

I shared one of my favorite mediation stories: Two parents came to me after spending six figures on their contested divorce process without any progress…and resolved the entire divorce in under $5,000 total mediation fees!

In addition to the financial and time benefits to mediation we discussed at length the destructive impact parental conflict has on child well-being, and how mediation can help parents craft great parenting plans. We also reviewed the role mediation can play to help with a range of family conflicts outside the context of divorce.

I hope you enjoy listening to three of the segments I have linked below!

Segment 1: How to Divorce in Massachusetts

Segment 2: How to Divorce in Massachusetts

Segment 3: How to Divorce in Massachusetts

 

A big thank you to Allen for hosting me on the show. Attorney Margulis is a respected Estate, Tax, Real Estate and Business Planning. Allen considers himself a tax-centric lawyer. He provides his clients with a complete and comprehensive strategic plan aimed at achieving their goals and objectives. He dedicates himself to providing all of his clients with superior service. Allen has 26 years experience in tax and accounting and 16 years in law. To contact Attorney Margulis click here.

For a free mediation consultation with mediator Ben Stich click here.

Concept image of a lost and confused signpost against a blue cloudy sky.

Feeling Ignored? MA Child Support Mediation Shows Why You Get Bewildered When Solutions to Family Problems Are Ignored…And What To Do About It!

Ever offer a solution to a problem that you know will help the other person?

A brilliant, selfless, creative, and irrefutable solution?

Like this one I heard during a MA child support mediation:

“I really won’t care if you reduce the child support.”

How many parents paying child support would LOVE to be told that by their co-parent?

If you’re thinking all of them you would be thinking what I was thinking during a recent parenting mediation in Massachusetts.

The father was struggling financially. Well-educated and talented he had been down on his luck.

For a year.

He was used to making six figures and only brought in $35,000 this last year. He was re-directing all his income from his recent contracting gig to her and was leaving enough for himself only to pay bills and eat. He even turned off cable.

He was behind in child support payments by thousands of dollars.

And he was petrified the judge would lock him up the next time they were in court.

It was with this context the wife suggested what seemed like the perfect solution.

He should file for a reduction, she suggested. She cared less about the amount of support. She just wanted reliable support.

Mediating a Dream MA Child Support Proposal

He ignored the suggestion.

Then he gave a circular explanation for why lowering support would not help him if he came in to money in a few months (which was a possibility).

Of course it would help, explained his co-parent. Even if the amount was increased later he would still pay less in the interim.

Still, he danced around the issue.

I finally interjected and said, “you told us that you’re scared you might get arrested, that despite your best efforts you are having trouble finding a better job, and that you can’t pay your arrears. She is encouraging you to file for a reduction. Can you help us understand why you don’t seem interested in her proposal?”

He looked right at me as his eyes welled up.

“Ben, it keeps me up at night that I can’t pay my child support. That I can’t provide for my child. That I can’t contribute to his basic needs like clothing, food and activities. It kills me.”

“I’m not lowering my child support.”

You’re Not?

Proud. Dutiful. Responsible. These are the values driving his reaction.

Her suggestion made sense on the surface. But it missed the mark in one important way. It had absolutely nothing to do with what was important to him. It was a solution based exclusively on her desire for predictable payments.

Who would have guessed?

Ninety-nine out of a 100 times the parent would jump on the chance to lower payments. This was that 1 out of a 100.

Steps to Improve Family Problem Solving

It can be infuriating when your spouse, parent or child outright rejects what seems to you a logical and obvious solution to an important problem.

You try to convince the other why they should listen to you. They argue back.

And nothing gets worked out. Except that the conflict has gotten a whole lot worse.

If you find yourself offering a well-intended and logical suggestion that is rejected there are but a few possible explanations:

1. You didn’t explain it well (unlikely if you’ve already tried more than once)

2. Your spouse, child or parent is being stubborn and unreasonable (unlikely if the problem is also burdening them)

3. Drugs or alcohol are involved (hopefully not — but if so this is NOT the time to try having a rational conversation)

4. Something else is going on

When Something Else is Going On…

1. Take pause

2. Consider that there might be something else going on

3. Check in with the person by letting them know that you understand they don’t like your idea, and that you want to know what about it doesn’t work for them (without sarcasm)

4. If that doesn’t work, drop your suggestion. Wait for a later time when the tensions have lowered. And then go back to step #3 and try to figure out what else is going on.

Curious, Are You?

Curious how it ended with my MA child support mediation clients?

They decided to request a 30 day continuance to buy the father more time to figure out his finances (and avoid jail-time for the moment). He outlined how much she should expect to receive each week based on his current job. They decided to work on the parenting schedule so they could report progress to the court. And they scheduled another mediation session for a few weeks out to explore other alternatives.

A perfect solution? No.

A viable temporary solution? Yes.

Why? Because it was relevant to what was important to both of them.

These folks detest one another. If they can do it, so can you.

What is your experience when your solutions to problems get shot down? Other illustrations like this MA child support mediation? Comment below!

LINKEDIN USERS: LinkedIn does not have the capability for your comments on LinkedIn groups to appear on the original blog post. if you are commenting on a LinkedIn group would you mind copying the comment directly on to the blog so my other readers can benefit from your ideas and reactions? Thank you, thank you, thank you for commenting and reading my post inspired by a MA child support mediation!!

angry couple staring at eachother over office table during divorce mediation

Avoid Destructive Divorce Messages

While I was at the gym today listening to my favorite sports radio station I heard a commercial about divorce in Massachusetts. It made me stop in my tracks.

Literally.

I mean it. I must have looked ridiculous. I just stood where I was listening to my headphones.

The advertiser, a local law group, directed the message to divorcing men. I heard messages like:

…men have an uphill battle in court…we know the dirty tricks wives play…fight back before it’s too late…we can minimize the destruction…the hidden dangers of court…they get kids to turn on their fathers…

I would have been petrified if I had been facing divorce!

I would think things such as: …I need to protect myself…the odds are stacked against me…I need to go on the offensive…I’m going to get robbed…

I can understand why some would contact this law firm.

When I Thought The Propaganda Could Not Get Worse…

I got home and googled the firm. I was shocked (again) when I saw a link titled ‘The Pitfalls of Mediation.” This group is not only scaring men to court but they are claiming that divorce mediation in Massachusetts is inappropriate.

Mediation for Divorce Is NOT For Everyone

I will be the first to admit that certain divorces are not a good fit for mediation.

I could tell you that mediation is wonderful and ideal for everyone. But then I would sound just like the radio ad, only selling the reverse message.

So yes, mediation is not a fit for all circumstances. A good example is when there is significant history of domestic violence.

For many couples however divorce mediation is an ideal approach to divorce. Divorce is emotionally grueling in the best of circumstances. But, it can also be resolved effectively and often more amicably without attorneys or judges making decisions for you about your finances, your kids, and your future.

There are a plethora of articles outlining the merits of divorce mediation in Massachusetts. Feel free to review my description of divorce mediation from my website.

Couples go through divorce mediation in Massachusetts all the time without being fleeced, taken advantage of, or subject to nasty tricks. Rather, they usually leave satisfied with a fair agreement that they were able to craft on their own terms.

The Point Is Not About Selling Mediation for Divorce in Mass, But…

The point of this blog post is simple: Learn about your options and make an informed decision about the best way for you and your spouse to divorce.

Mediation or litigation, please do not fall for clichéd scare tactics preying on your fear and anxiety about divorce. Instead, educate yourself. Learn about the benefits of securing a divorce attorney versus mediation.

Whatever choice you make I hope it is informed and not based on a cheap attempt to scare you.

Please share your reaction to this post and comment below — I would love to hear from you!